So, I frequently get asked for relationship advice (In fact, a lot of guys even ask me for romantic ideas for their partners). As I've been single for an extensive period of time, I'm not sure I'm fully qualified, but happy to share my thoughts, which come from my own values, experiences, observations as well as my work as a counsellor, not to mention, I am somewhat of a hopeless romantic who also has an entire Instagram account on (mostly original!) love and life quotes: @ilovethereforeilive! Instead of quotes, I'll pad out what I think are the most important points. I’m fully aware that these principles are often easier said than done, but a healthy relationship is ultimately a commitment; one that requires ongoing effort, reflection, and the willingness to do the work. So without further ado:

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• Self work

  • Do as much self work as you can; this will always be an ongoing process. You never want to jeopardise or sabotage a relationship over something you could have fixed in yourself, for instance, jealousy, anger issues, insecurity or unprocessed experiences. This also includes past experiences and overly projecting them; keep in mind that there is no future when you make your present person for your past trauma. I always think it's important to complete yourself first before you try to complete someone else.

• Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely

  • It's such a cliché to say love yourself first and love will find you as self love and romantic love are entirely different. That being said, enjoying your own company is essential before you can expect anyone else to enjoy yours; without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s hard to build one with someone else. When we are lonely, there is a tendency to lower standards and choose not so good company; it's always far better to be alone than with the wrong people.

• Appreciate and enjoy who your partner is

  • Generally speaking, if you want them to change, then it's not them that you want. If you fell in love with who they are, then let them be free and support them, believe in them. Of course, I'm aware that if they have genuinely harmful and destructive traits, then address what you can within reason and stay clear on your own boundaries and wellbeing . Remember that you don’t want to lose yourself trying to save someone else. .

• Ego and self respect

  • Know the difference between the two; value the relationship over one but not the other. This is where the importance of setting, maintaining and honouring boundaries really comes in. 

• Communication

  • Good communication is a form of respect. Practice it, expect it and be aware of whether it’s being reciprocated. Healthy communication is not just talking; it’s listening, clarifying and understanding.

• Effort

  • The effort you put in at the beginning shouldn't ever stop when you're with them. Consistency, showing up, caring, trying and continuing to learn keeps the relationship alive and meaningful.

• Accountability

  •  A healthy relationship isn’t about being perfect, it’s about taking responsibility when you’re not. Accountability means owning your mistakes, repairing when needed and being willing to grow. It builds trust faster than pretending to be right ever will.  

• Emotional safety

  •  A healthy relationship should feel like a safe space and not a battlefield. Emotional safety is knowing you can express yourself without fear of ridicule, manipulation or punishment. It’s the freedom to be vulnerable, make mistakes and still feel valued. When both people create an environment where honesty is met with understanding and respect rather than judgment, the trust becomes unshakeable.  

• Interdependency over codependency

  • You don’t want two people who are fused together with no sense of self (or two people who function like separate and unaligned entities). Interdependence is the balance, where you maintain your individuality and choose partnership with one another. In essence, I am me, you are you and we choose us. 

• Giving space and time

  • Even the healthiest couples need time apart. Personal space, hobbies, friends and solitude all keep the relationship fresh and prevent resentment. Space isn’t a threat to your connection as such, it’s a form of nourishment; it gives you room to recharge, reflect and grow, so when you come back together, you’ll be coming in more full and more present versions of yourselves. 

• Shared values

  • Love matters, but what is also essential is shared values that create a strong foundation. Values such as kindness, loyalty, conflict style, goals, lifestyle choices; these are what make long term compatibility possible. Values guide decisions and aligned decisions strengthen the relationship. 

• Dealing with conflict

  • I have spoken much about dealing with conflict, but in terms of a relationship, you can love someone deeply and still argue. Conflict isn’t the problem per se, but rather how you handle it. When you handle an issue, it's important to be fair, calm, empathetic, actively listening and avoiding cruelty or contempt to make disagreements productive instead of damaging. It’s never about winning; it’s about understanding.   

• Intimacy

  • Intimacy isn’t just physical, it's also emotional and intellectual. Routine intimacy such as daily check-ins, shared habits and private jokes can help to hold relationships together. Keep nurturing the parts that make you feel close in ways beyond the surface. True intimacy also means being sensitive to your partner’s needs and state of mind. There will be times when they’re not in the mood, when they’re tired, stressed or overwhelmed and respecting that is essential. This emphasises attunement; noticing, caring, and adjusting, which ultimately helps to create safety. When intimacy is built on understanding rather than pressure, closeness becomes deeper, more genuine and far more connected.   

• Growing together through change

  • People change over time and so will your relationship. Growth is natural and necessary and the goal isn’t to stay the same but to evolve and grow in ways that complement each other. Learn to adapt, to understand the shifts in each other’s dreams, needs and perspectives. When both people choose to grow  one another rather than apart, the relationship deepens. Change isn’t the enemy; growing in different directions without communicating is. Stay open, stay curious and allow each stage of life to teach you how to love each other better.

• Choosing each other every day

  • Love isn’t just a feeling, but rather it’s a choice that gets made repeatedly. Some days it will be easy and other days, you have to be intentional and conscious. Choosing each other daily means prioritising the relationship in small ways; showing appreciation, being present, apologising when needed and making the effort to stay connected. Consistency turns affection into partnership.

• Breaking up and letting go

  • I could write an entirely separate article about this, but for now as I'm in the flow, I'll just put it all here. It's important to know that not every relationship is meant to go the distance and that’s not a sign of failure; it’s a part of growth. Sometimes two good people simply stop growing in the same direction. Ending a relationship with honesty, respect and kindness is just as important as nurturing one. Letting go when something is no longer healthy protects both people’s futures. Breakups can be painful, but they also create space for clarity, healing and eventually a better fit. Love yourself enough to stay when it’s right and to walk away when it’s not.          

 

In conclusion, healthy relationships aren’t built on luck, they’re built on self awareness, communication, effort, mutual respect and the willingness to grow together through every season of life. When two people show up for themselves and for each other with honesty, sensitivity and consistency, love becomes something steady rather than uncertain. It’s never about being perfect; it’s about choosing to grow, communicate and stay connected through every season together. Should a relationship reach a point where it can’t grow any further, choosing to end it with clarity and kindness is also an act of care; for yourself and for the other person. After a breakup, it’s important to return to yourself and incidentally, back to the first points of this article; continue your self-work, nurture your own company and enter a relationship when you’re truly ready. In every form, love is about growth; growing together when you can, growing apart when you must and approaching the next chapter with awareness, patience and a full heart. 

 

As I mentioned at the start, I know these things are often easier said than done, but love is a commitment and doing the work is part of choosing each other every day. Once again, as much of my articles are mind dumps, I will probably add to this at some point!